Yan Sayed, a senior lecturer at Harvard and a co-author of the study, and Yolanda De Sousa, a psychologist at Harvard, said that in some cases, children who have autism spectrum disorder are “unable to play appropriately on the playground”—and their peers take that as a slight and act as if it’s not true. “In some cases, social norms discourage the autistic child from expressing genuine concern or even genuine desire for things to happen,” Sayed said.

To be sure, people on the autism spectrum aren’t always excluded from the school or school-based social circle. And while schools are starting to add a section on autism and other mental health concerns to the curriculum, they’re not making much headway in helping children make friends. “It’s not that every kid with an autism spectrum disorder is bullied,” say De Sousa and Sayed. “It’s that every kid that doesn’t have an autism spectrum disorder doesn’t get that extra protection they need.” Parents are, for the most part, just happy that their kids aren’t bullied, they say, and they feel better about the school. There’s no shame in this, they say, just a desire to help kids with an “unusual” disability have a safe place where they can meet other like-minded people for the rest of their lives.

And while school administrators and teachers see little need for help, some parents do still feel “concerned, sometimes hurt, by these rules,” said De Sousa. Some parents are angry, and there’s an effort to change the rules. A California man is hoping on Kickstarter to raise $4.4 million to get a district to end its exclusionary policy. The goal is to create a special “safe learning zone” for children, one that “excludes and enables both kids with a learning and social disability and their peers in accordance with state and local law, but includes them in school activities and school-sponsored events.”

But the school’s policies haven’t changed because “there’s no pressure to do something about it,” said De Sousa. “When people have a disability and they can’t play, it’s no problem at all.” For some of you with children of your own who’ve been victimized by school-based exclusionary policies, I want you to know that I am with you for your heart and your soul for your struggle. We will never be silent and we